Not a bad idea to start writing about oneself and for oneself. It is such relief to know that you can write without embellishment .
The fear that this is all going nowhere ,that you are leading towards an emptiness which fills your future life haunts you all the time. The vast wild wastes of time,that is. When you start feeling alright there is the contrary feeling of not-alrightness just behind you like a shadow in the afternoon.
Some times you feel like robbing others of the joy of feeling absolutely alright when they have got to be feeling not alright. You want others to feel down because there is a need for others not to feel alright.